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Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 6:33 am
by SoMelo
Billionaires Warn Higher Taxes Could Prevent Them From Buying Politicians

Posted by Andy Borowitz
Introducing a new wrinkle into the already fraught fiscal cliff showdown, a consortium of billionaires today warned that if their taxes are raised they will no longer have enough money to buy politicians.

The group, led by casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, commissioned a new study showing that the cost of an average politician has soared exponentially over the past decade.


While the American family has seen increases in the cost of food, health care and education, Mr. Adelson says, “those costs don’t compare with the cost of buying a politician, which has gone through the roof.”

The casino billionaire points to his group’s study, which puts the cost of purchasing an average House member at two million dollars and an average senator at several times that.

“And let’s say you buy a senator like Jim DeMint and he decides to quit,” Mr. Adelson says. “Good luck trying to get your money back.”

The Vegas magnate complains that the media has ignored billionaires’ essential role in giving jobs to politicians who would otherwise have difficulty finding “honest work of any kind.”

“Billionaires are providing employment for a group of seriously incompetent and marginal people,” Mr. Adelson says. “You raise taxes on us, and who’s going to create those jobs? I really don’t think people have thought this through.”

Adding insult to injury for America’s billionaires, he says, “the simple dream of someday owning a President is slipping out of reach.”

“People think a billion dollars buys you a President, but they’re wrong,” he says. “It barely gets you a lemon like Mitt Romney.”
Link

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 7:27 am
by Parrotpaul
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The international terror group known as Al Qaeda announced its dissolution today, saying that “our mission of destroying the American economy is now in the capable hands of the U.S. Congress.”

In an official statement published on the group’s website, the current leader of Al Qaeda said that Congress’s conduct during the so-called “fiscal-cliff” showdown convinced the terrorists that they had been outdone.


“We’ve been working overtime trying to come up with ways to terrorize the American people and wreck their economy,” said the statement from Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri. “But even we couldn’t come up with something like this.”

Mr. al-Zawhiri said that the idea of holding the entire nation hostage with a clock ticking down to the end of the year “is completely insane and worthy of a Bond villain.”

“As terrorists, every now and then you have to step back and admire when someone else has beaten you at your own game,” he said. “This is one of those times.”

The Al Qaeda leader was fulsome in his praise for congressional leaders, saying, “We have made many scary videos in our time but none of them were as terrifying as Mitch McConnell.”

As for the future of Al Qaeda, the statement said that it would no longer be a terror network but would become “more of a social network,” offering reviews of new music, movies and video games.

In its first movie review, Al Qaeda gave the film “Zero Dark Thirty” two thumbs down.



Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/b ... z2GSGier5q

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:30 am
by John Q. Public
Parrotpaul wrote:WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The international terror group known as Al Qaeda announced its dissolution today, saying that “our mission of destroying the American economy is now in the capable hands of the U.S. Congress.”

In an official statement published on the group’s website, the current leader of Al Qaeda said that Congress’s conduct during the so-called “fiscal-cliff” showdown convinced the terrorists that they had been outdone.

Unfortunately, that's true.

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:58 am
by Troglodyte
Did I miss something?? Is it April 1st already???
Unfortunately the 2 items are too true.. Washington DC.. The DC means Don't Compromise..

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:03 am
by Wabash
Troglodyte wrote:Did I miss something?? Is it April 1st already???
Unfortunately the 2 items are too true.. Washington DC.. The DC means Don't Compromise..
I'm hoping the GOP does exactly that. It will blow up in their faces.

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:06 am
by Troglodyte
75% tax rate axed in France
Published: Bangkok Post: 29/12/2012 at 05:46 PM Online news: World
So0cialists lose


France's highest constitutional authority on Saturday struck down a 75 percent tax rate on earnings over one million euros, one of the centrepieces of Socialist President Francois Hollande's policies.

The upper income tax rate had angered business leaders and prompted some wealthy French citizens to seek tax exile abroad, including actor Gerard Depardieu who recently took up residency in Belgium.

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:09 am
by Troglodyte
Wabash wrote: I'm hoping the GOP does exactly that. It will blow up in their faces.
A compromise takes 2 sides agreeing..
Obama says "My way or the Hiway" and tries to blame the GOP for not compromising??? --:-- .

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:16 am
by Wabash
Troglodyte wrote: A compromise takes 2 sides agreeing..
Obama says "My way or the Hiway" and tries to blame the GOP for not compromising??? --:-- .
I'm hoping the GOP doesn't compromise on taxes.

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:26 am
by Parrotpaul
Me too.

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:38 am
by barstow wiz
me three!

Re: Billionaires Warning On Higher Taxes

Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 9:38 am
by SoMelo
Tritto :D