- The defendant
What does the U$C player get on his SAT's?
Why do students proactively choose U$C over UCLA?
- It's easier to spell
What do you get when you drive slowly by the U$C campus?
- A degree
What is the difference between a U$C diploma and toilet paper?
- About $80,000 per sheet
Why doesn't U$C have ice on the sidelines?
- The guy with the recipe graduated
How do you get a U$C graduate off your porch?
- Pay him for the pizza
What are the best 4 years of a Trojan's life?
- Third grade
How many U$C freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- None, that's a sophomore class
What do a Trojan and a bottle of beer have in common?
- They're both empty from the neck up